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Dependent on God
Jennifer Kostuch, Fitchburg, WI
Almost seven years ago John's and my life took a big turn. At the time I was a stay-at-home mom of almost two years caring for our son Noah. We attended Christ Memorial and belonged to a lifeGroup. And John was an engineer at a local company working full-time and he had a prospective job offer in the wings with a company he loved and once worked for. Overall we were doing O.K. and things were looking up. But little did we know our life would change. And it would set the stage for many life events to come.
It started when we decided to replace our own roof. We wanted to save some money and we thought we could do the work. It turned out to be a family and neighborhood project. We had help with roofing and childcare and meals....the roof was coming along very nicely. We were were about ¾ of the way done and our neighbor Dan came over to help shingle with us. I was on the other side of the roof when I heard Dan yell that John had fallen off the roof. I can see the image of the day so clearly: being terrified, being on the phone with 911, seeing John lying unconscious on the ground, riding in the ambulance and being in the ER. Even as serious as it was I went home that night from the ER with a sense that John would be O.K... In fact he was discharged less than 24 hours after his fall. John had a severe concussion and a few fractured vertebra.
They warned us of possible affects of a head trauma: sleepiness, vomiting, mood swings. If fact we did end up going to the ER again within 3-4 days but all around John was getting better. He was getting back to his old self...trouble shooting and fixing our computer and talking with friends. After about two weeks I started noticing a change in John. He was getting more chatty which was not like him and more sensitive and emotional. John had been talking to me at length during the day and night. He started sharing with me that he had thoughts of hurting me and Noah but he said he knew that was wrong. At that point I started leaving messages for John's Neuro doctor. I was getting exhausted and needed rest. I asked John to stay in the house while I tried to close my eyes...all the while waiting for the doctor to call. I hadn't been left alone for 5 minutes when John came in our room very emotional saying he had telepathically made a WI Public radio donation happen and our dogs Katie and Lucy were talking to him. Clearly this was NOT normal behavior.
Before handling John I needed help with Noah. On my way to dropping off Noah at a friend's house I was blessed by a visit from my friend Marla. When she saw me driving she skipped her street and pulled up along side my car. She said words I will never forget, "Do you need help?" I can't remember more than 'yes' but shortly after I dropped off Noah and was back home..Marla was at my home. Marla talked with John's crazy self while I spoke with the doctor. I remember Marla praying with us before going to the ER. By the time John was checked into the hospital he was not able to talk. I left John at the hospital that night not knowing what was really wrong with him or if he would get better.
When I look back on this time in our lives I discovered things about myself and God. First off, I had made John my little 'g'. I had given the reigns completely over to John:
Provision came from John.
Being able to stay at home and care for Noah was because of John.
All decisions I left completely to John.
In fact by all accounts we had become very self sufficient. I would have never seen this in myself had John's accident not occurred. I was lost...I was faced with decisions like:
What do I do about our unfinished roof?
What do I do about John's outstanding interview?
I discovered my faith was weak. I did not know how to depend on God. And second God can work powerfully through people and can provide.
1. Marla was obedient and listened to the Holy Spirit.
2. Friends and family watched Noah.(God loves my children more than I do.)
3. Neighbors paid for our roof completion.
4. A neighbor was willing to assess John's behavior and get us additional help.
5. John 's prospective new employer held a job for John until he recovered.
6. Meals from neighbors and friends.
God orchestrated a better plan than I could have. As I went through the long list of His provisions I new what He wanted me to know. The thought, "Depend on Me" kept going through my head.
I had to leave my future in God's hands and that included John. I was forced to depend on God. The hospital finally figured out what caused the severe problems in John. Due to the concussion he had a delayed and extreme sodium drop. He had a very slow deliberate recovery with therapy that lasted almost 3 months and its was an additional year before John was able to handle more than an eight hour work day.
My eyes have focused so much on God as my provider. All things come through Him. I know for certain that where I am today is due to his strengthening that started 7 years ago when He showed me that his plan, his way, is better because He never fails. I can depend on Him. "My salvation and my honor depend on God he is my mighty rock, my refuge." Psalm 62:7
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Hub Office located at 2833 Raritan Road Fitchburg, WI | 608.271.2811 |